Holy Wars (Humor)

Subject: Holy Wars (Humor)
From: Tom Murrell <trmurrell -at- yahoo -dot- com>
To: techwr-l -at- lists -dot- raycomm -dot- com
Date: Wed, 3 May 2000 07:51:00 -0700 (PDT)

Once again, I am attempting some Technical Writing related humor. Read it at
your own risk.

Tom Murrell

New Publications Guidelines

In an effort to improve productivity by reducing the amount of time wasted by
writers arguing over various issues from tools to punctuation, the following
Guidelines take effect immediately.

1. Management is sick and tired of arguments over which tool is most
appropriate for document development. Therefore, henceforth all
documentation will be developed in Notepad® or other simple text editor.

2. Too much time is spent looking up the proper spelling of words. Henceforth
all dictionary use is banned. Spell it any old way. Readers will know what
you mean. (For those complaining about a loss of creativity in the
workplace, this guidelines should provide an appropriate outlet to redress
that perceived lack.)

3. The use of pronouns is hereby BANNED. Writing is much clearer when nouns are

4. There is too much confusion about the meaning of acronyms and abbreviations.
Henceforth do not waste time trying to figure out what acronyms or
abbreviations mean. Everybody knows what they mean, and new people are
expected to be stupid at first. Let them learn like we did.

5. The use of graphics to enhance documentation is causing too great a
productivity decrease. Writers were hired to write. Management has decided
that a thousand words are easier to produce than a comparable graphic.
Besides, graphics use leads to more arguments over tools, which Management
abhors. (See Guideline #1)

Management sincerely hopes that these guidelines will be accepted with the
spirit in which they were promulgated. Management only wishes to put an end to
the constant bickering in the workplace and GET SOME WORK DONE.

Thank you.

Tom Murrell
Senior Technical Writer
Alliance Data Systems
Columbus, Ohio
mailto:trmurrell -at- yahoo -dot- com

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