OT HUMOR: Warranty Card

Subject: OT HUMOR: Warranty Card
From: "Leslie Peet" <Leslie -dot- Peet -at- fimat -dot- com>
To: "TECHWR-L" <techwr-l -at- lists -dot- raycomm -dot- com>
Date: Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:33:07 -0600



Hello All,

Happy Wednesday. This was sent to me by a friend. I don't know whether
the text was ever posted on the McDonnell Douglas site, but whoever wrote
this does have a sense of humor. The tech writing tie-in? Ummmmmm .......
How about research on the needs of the user?

Leslie

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

WARRANTY CARD - McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
This was allegedly posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas Website by
an employee there who obviously has a sense of humor. The company, of
course, does not have a sense of humor, and made the web department take it
down immediately (for once, the 'IMPORTANT' note at the end is worth a read
too....)

PRODUCT SUPPORT QUESTIONNAIRE

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to
protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the
warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not
required, but the information will help us to develop new products that
best
meet your needs and desires.

1. Title

[_] Mr.
[_] Mrs.
[_] Ms.
[_] Miss
[_] Lt.
[_] Gen.
[_] Comrade
[_] Classified
[_] Other

First Name:............................................
Initial: ........
Last Name:.............................................
Password: .............................. (max. 8 char)
Code Name:.............................................
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude:......................


2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?
[_] F-14 Tomcat
[_] F-15 Eagle
[_] F-16 Falcon
[_] F-117A Stealth
[_] Classified

3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day):
    ......../......./......

4. Serial Number:
    ........................................

5. Please indicate where this product was
purchased:

[_] Received as gift / aid package
[_] Catalogue / showroom
[_] Independent arms broker
[_] Mail order
[_] Discount store
[_] Government surplus
[_] Classified

6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product
you have just purchased:

[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
[_] Store display
[_] Espionage
[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one

7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your
decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:

[_] Style / appearance
[_] Speed / maneuverability
[_] Price / value
[_] Comfort / convenience
[_] Kickback / bribe
[_] Recommended by salesperson
[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
[_] Advanced Weapons Systems
[_] Backroom politics
[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat

8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:

[_] North America
[_] Iraq
[_] Iraq
[_] Aircraft carrier
[_] Iraq
[_] Europe
[_] Iraq
[_] Middle East (not Iraq)
[_] Iraq
[_] Africa
[_] Iraq
[_] Asia / Far East
[_] Iraq
[_] Misc. Third World countries
[_] Iraq
[_] Classified
[_] Iraq

9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to
purchase in the near future:

[_] Color TV
[_] VCR
[_] ICBM
[_] Killer Satellite
[_] Satellite Killer
[_] CD Player
[_] Air-to-Air Missile
[_] Space Shuttle
[_] Home Computer
[_] Nuclear Weapon

10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Indicate all
that apply:)

[_] Communist / Socialist
[_] Terrorist
[_] Crazed
[_] Neutral
[_] Democratic
[_] Dictatorship
[_] Corrupt
[_] Primitive / Tribal

11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?

[_] Deficit spending
[_] Cash
[_] Suitcases of cocaine
[_] Oil revenues
[_] Personal check
[_] Credit card
[_] Ransom money
[_] Traveler's check

12. Your occupation:

[_] Homemaker
[_] Sales / marketing
[_] Revolutionary
[_] Clerical
[_] Mercenary
[_] Tyrant
[_] Middle management
[_] Eccentric billionaire
[_] Defense Minister / General
[_] Retired
[_] Student

13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the
interests and activities in which you enjoy participating on a regular
basis:

[_] Golf
[_] Boating / sailing
[_] Sabotage
[_] Running / jogging
[_] Propaganda / misinformation
[_] Destabilization / overthrow
[_] Default on loans
[_] Gardening
[_] Crafts
[_] Black market / smuggling
[_] Collectibles / collections
[_] Watching sports on TV
[_] Wines
[_] Interrogation / torture
[_] Household pets
[_] Crushing rebellions
[_] Espionage / reconnaissance
[_] Fashion clothing
[_] Border disputes
[_] Mutually Assured Destruction


Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire.  Your answers
will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you
better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and
special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and
mysterious consortia.  As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will
be
registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!

Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes?
Please write to:

McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION,
Marketing Department,
Military Aerospace Division  :)



IMPORTANT:
This email is intended for the use of the individual addressee(s) named
above and may contain information that is confidential privileged or
unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of
humor, or irrational religious beliefs.  If you are not the intended
recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying of this email is not
authorized (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating
social faux pas.  Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its
correct context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any
legal or grammatical use and may be ignored. No animals were harmed in the
transmission of this email, although the crazy dog next door is living on
borrowed time, let me tell you!  Those of you with an overwhelming fear of
the unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no hidden message
revealed by reading this warning backwards, so just ignore that Alert
Notice
from Microsoft. However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around
yourself and your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your
pets.  If you have received this email in error, please add some nutmeg and
egg whites, whisk and place in a warm oven for 40 minutes.  Sure, you can
TRUST the Gov't.   Ask any Indian.



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