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Yes it's true, and the smaller the ratio of women to men in the environment,
the more likely it is to wreak havoc. I've played all the roles in the last
20 years. What becomes even tougher is that if you choose to play by the
boys' rules, you end up despised by the boys and by the girls. That gives
you no leverage, no support and no team to speak of. It happens constantly.
The lesson I've learned... Be who you are... Some will call you whatever
they choose to and you can't control what they think, just how you react. So
I'm chatty, often sarcastic, frequently self-deprecating, always
complimentary of hard work and honest effort, usually helpful, and always
respectful and respected. It works for me, but it took a long time. And it
still doesn't always get you what you want or what you've earned. Life just
ain't that fair.
I prefer to take the leadership knowledge I've gained over the years, and
apply it in the workplace... You show respect, civility, friendliness, law &
order, whatever it takes to move the relationships and the project
And you're right, the guys get labeled jerks too, it's just a lot quieter.
Connie P. Giordano
Senior Technical Writer
Advisor Technology Services
A Fidelity Investments Company
connie -dot- giordano -at- fmr -dot- com
"Pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space, 'cause I'm afraid
that we've been cheated here on Earth" - Clint Black "Galaxy Song"
From: eric -dot- dunn -at- ca -dot- transport -dot- bombardier -dot- com
[mailto:eric -dot- dunn -at- ca -dot- transport -dot- bombardier -dot- com]
Sent: Thursday, May 29, 2003 3:42 PM
Subject: Chatty vs. Bitchy
Is the stereotype/complaint really true? Is it really impossible for a woman
to be assertive in the workplace without being labeled bitchy? Seems to me
the polar opposites of friendly/chatty/flirty and bitch are like so many of
the other vapid discussions on-list. There's a huge range of attitudes in
between and there's a balance that HAS to be reached to be effective in a
In the draft back in time thread, I think a number of posters have been
right on the money. Be polite, honest, matter-of-fact, and be assertive when
necessary. I honestly can't agree with the complaint that an assertive woman
will be labeled bitchy. Personally, I think you get labeled bitchy when you
ARE bitchy. A curmudgeon like attitude makes you neither effective, liked,
I think some women think that to be successful they have to act like the
pain-in-the-butt PHB. What they don't realise is that all the workers think
that guy is a jerk. It's just that he has enough power to force respect (and
keep the name calling silenced). So instead of learning what it takes to be
effectively assertive and taking the time to earn respect (seeing as their
position does not bestow it upon them) they launch into a copy of the PHB.
If one of the male underlings took a similar attitude they too would be
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