[Fwd: Re: Resumes with a sense of humour]

Subject: [Fwd: Re: Resumes with a sense of humour]
From: "J. Ressler" <jressler -at- ewa-denver -dot- com>
To: TECHWR-L <techwr-l -at- lists -dot- raycomm -dot- com>
Date: Tue, 24 Feb 2004 15:26:34 -0700

Hmmph, to each their own, and this will spawn a glorious debate of professionalism, I am sure.

A friend of mine applied for a job at our company, he followed it up with the text below. At first I questioned his professionalism, and then I thought it was brilliant (though probably not an original idea). He was applying to do purchasing, and from what I have seen, you should have a dynamic personality in order to hob-knob with different companies.

Either way, it was fun.

In reviewing my resume, I thought that you might be interested in some significant experiences I’ve had as well as some accomplishments I have realized.

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I write award-winning operas, and I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, I am an expert in stucco, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, and I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I’m bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after work, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless Scrabble player. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy eveningwear. I don’t perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number ten and have won weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat 400.

My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations with the CIA. I sleep once a week. When I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

But I have not yet worked at COMPANY NAME..

"Some people wait their whole lives for a miracle, we raise them one at a time."

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