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There are excellent points in the posts I've received. I knew all this
once, and managed my workplace interactions along these lines. I think,
in part, my year of illness and his own burgeoning portfolio changed my
relationship with my manager so that I work in an atmosphere that lacks
trust. I am, right now, not much more than a very well paid data entry
One of the changes my local colleagues and I have noted is that the
minimalist direction and management our manager had previously offered
has vanished. We are far more exposed to the vagaries of a work-force
Also, the tech pubs group as it is now structured is a collision of
structures and job responsibilities that don't match. Our bi-coastal
existence does not make it easy to bridge the differences and our
manager is completely adrift, he had no idea how to integrate the two
teams into one. So, he pretends that issues are not happening. And
instead of managing, tells me to be more considerate of my coworkers.
That cuts me. I had, finally, after a month of struggling to get
co-operation on a particular project told my co-worker to go to our
manager since I was not being heard, perhaps he could get through. I've
realized since that my coworker doesn't know what her job IS! And,
rather than telling her, my manager told me to be nicer to her, that was
the phrasing he used. I wonder now what the big deal is, it is as much
that I feel like the job is double-booked with unclear boundaries as it
is that the tech admin on the other coast, in trying to help out, has
invited sharks to feed. Since she doesn't seem to understand our
document development process, she's invited reviewers known for their
urge to change text to read content that is not only already approved,
but translated, and now formatted for delivery. It is the exhaustion of
having to try follow the process and having to defend myself and the
Having had a chance to *talk it out* and be reminded of the
skills/techniques that were once second-nature to me, I am beginning to
see the core of the issue.
One: I am on a sinking ship and the captain is directing the band to
play on. There are no lifeboats. The happiest person in our group is the
fellow who retires next month. He has a spring in his step and a tune on
I've never been on a sinking ship before, I am being consumed by the
anxiety that is so pervasive, identifying it is like fish trying to
Two: I am not recovered yet from my year of illness. I have not
recovered my emotional balance and I need to give me and my coworkers
extra leeway while I get back up to full strength.
I will continue to work on reviving my skills, letting go of the job,
and just getting done what I can get done where there is doing I can do.
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