Critique of instructions for preparing Pop-tarts

Subject: Critique of instructions for preparing Pop-tarts
From: Emily Berk <emily -at- armadillosoft -dot- com>
To: techwr-l -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
Date: Thu, 23 Feb 2006 16:09:05 -0800

I found the following amusing on this otherwise overly interesting day.

-- Emily

"... I?m looking at the Pop-Tarts box, and I noticed they have, uh, directions on there. [Looks around] I give up on this species. They have two full sets of directions.

They have, uh, toaster directions. Which, I?m not making this up, the toaster directions are longer than one step. I don?t know how it?s possible that the directions are longer than one? You?d think it would be, [Reads Box] ?Step 1: Toast the Pop-Tarts? Go ahead, toast ?em? It?s okay? Hey are you still reading this??

But they?ve managed to break it up into smaller increments. These are the actual toaster steps. I wanna be in the room watching someone who has to consult these steps. ?Okay, Number one: Remove pastry from pouch. [Astonished look of confusion] [Removes pastry] O-kay? Yeah? I see where they?re going with this. We are banging on all cylinders now. Okay, Number two: Insert pastry, oh okay, vertically! [Confused hand motions] ?into toaster! [Looks around, confused, for toaster] ?I gotta get a toaster!? It?s like two of like seventeen toaster steps.

And then they have, uh, microwave directions. You can microwave a Pop-Tart. That just blew me away that you could do that. How long does it take to toast a Pop-Tart? A minute and a half if you want it dark?! People don?t have that kind of time? Listen, if you need to zap-fry your Pop-Tarts before you head out the door, you might want to loosen up your schedule. And I swear, it says ?Microwave on high for three seconds"! That?s all. I don?t think I want to wake up and be eating in three seconds. You know, the alarm goes off? [Alarm goes off] [Hits alarm] [Shoves Pop-Tart in mouth] It?s late, I gotta get outta here! If you?re awake and eating and hauling in three seconds, it?s time for a change of lifestyle. ..."

Emily Berk


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