> I'm working on a document that has a very good Introduction
> -- except for one thing that I can't quite decide about. Some
> of the sentences are awfully long. Would you break up or
> reorganize these sentences? (I'm changing the topic in these
> examples):
>
> The Sunshine program spans all areas of personal homebuilding
> efforts -- permit authorization through post-construction
> inspection and reporting -- ensuring comprehensive,
> documented compliance for any builder to all local and state
> regulations.
The first one can -- and should, IMO -- easily be made into two
sentences:
The Sunshine program spans all areas of personal homebuilding efforts --
permit authorization through post-construction inspection and reporting.
It ensures builders of comprehensive, documented compliance to all local
and state regulations.
> The Sunshine program delivers several immediate benefits,
> including improved verification of a builder's construction
> practices, reduced paperwork, streamlined communications, and
> comprehensive review and alerts to avoid State-imposed fines.
This one cries out for a colon after "including," with the rest turned
into bullet items. Why do you thing that's inappropriate for an
introductory section? I think it's highly appropriate.
Richard
------
Richard G. Combs
Senior Technical Writer
Polycom, Inc.
richardDOTcombs AT polycomDOTcom
303-223-5111
------
rgcombs AT gmailDOTcom
303-777-0436
------
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