RE: "Sorry you're not the right fit" - After "all is fine" for 4 weeks

["Sharon Burton" <sharon -at- anthrobytes -dot- com>]

I worked at a place with a really bad fit. I spent 2.5 years trying to fit
in because the work was interesting and I saw that I could do a lot of
corporate good.

For example, I was told by my boss that the sound of my voice was annoying
to people in meetings and I should try not to talk so much. (In all
fairness, I do talk a lot. And I laugh a lot. Stupid girl.) So, while others
were joking and laughing and sharing personal life info as the meeting was
settling down, I looked at my notebook. I pitched my voice low when I talked
and spoke only when directly asked to speak.

When a QA manager entered a meeting room, kicking chairs out of his way such
that they were flying off the walls, I looked at my notebook instead of
telling him that I was concerned for my safety and he should stop NOW.
(Because the sound of my voice upset people...)

When I was told that I needed to stop mentioning previous projects I had
been on that related to this one because it upset people in the room, I
stopped talking about how I'd solved this issue before and maybe we could do
the same here. Thus, pulling almost 20 years of experience out of play.

When I was told that my speaking at conferences and other events was
upsetting people, I stopped talking about *any* thing I did outside of work,
ever. Even when it was the reason why I couldn't stay and work until
midnight. I simply said "I can't, sorry." (Of course, then I was taken to
task for not being willing to work until midnight when the rest of the team
did.)

I spent 2.5 years trying hard to be a person who "fit" there. I was really
miserable the entire time. It was as bad as being in my second marriage. I
felt that who I was as a person was offensive and upsetting to everyone and
just being in the room annoyed them. 10 hours a day. 5 days a week.

Now I have a job I adore. I was so happy to get out of the bad fit place. I
couldn't believe how well I was treated at the new job for the first 6
months. Now I'm used to it but I still appreciate it!

They did you a favor.


sharon

Sharon Burton
951-369-8590


-----Original Message-----
From: techwr-l-bounces+sharon=anthrobytes -dot- com -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
[mailto:techwr-l-bounces+sharon=anthrobytes -dot- com -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com]On
Behalf Of Pinkham, Jim
Sent: Monday, November 24, 2008 6:52 AM
To: Yannia Vodrovich; techwr-l -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
Subject: RE: "Sorry you're not the right fit" - After "all is fine" for
4 weeks


Yannia, I think both your response and the advice you're getting are on
tack.

There are companies that have a certain pathology that even the
best-intentioned can unwittingly stumble into. Sounds like you found one and
got a quick, merciful escape, without much damage done. Congratulations!

Taking stock on what you could have done differently and seeing if you can
learn from it is wise. I suspect it was pathology, not punctuality, that was
the real issue here. Nonetheless, another time, you'll know, if you put
yourself in a similar situation, to dot all the I's and cross all the T's
until and unless expressly told differently.

It takes more homework, but especially if you're after a longer-term
commitment, it's wise to get the word on the street about a prospective
employer before you ever commit. Talk to people in the department, if you
can. Talk to vendors. Talk to ex-employees. Spend some hang time in the
local coffee shop near the office -- or wherever employees or those who know
them congregate. What kind of reputation do they have in the community? It's
not bulletproof, but it can tell a great deal, and spare you a lot of grief.

Jim

-

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