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Subject:Re: Re: Subtly bad sentence construction From:Nancy Allison <maker -at- verizon -dot- net> To:kahndebra -at- gmail -dot- com, Kay -dot- Robart -at- tea -dot- texas -dot- gov Date:Fri, 29 May 2015 14:30:22 -0500 (CDT)
Hi, Debra. Thank you! That is very elegant.
On 05/29/15, Debra Kahn<kahndebra -at- gmail -dot- com> wrote:
I'm with you, Nancy. (Lots and lots of sympathy!)
I am knee deep QMS procedures (following the ISO standard), and cringe
at all of the passive voice. Some of it I just can't get around
(particularly since the quality engineering manager thinks of herself
as a professional editor).
The mismatched halves of this sentence could be salvaged (and the
passive voice retained) with something like: The velocity rate cannot
be updated by changing the ratio for the transducer. If need be, you
could add "while the test result is in view mode" at the end. At least
in this rewrite, the single remaining gerund becomes the object of a
Hope this helps,
Debra Kahn, MA, PMP, CA-AM
debra -at- dk-consulting -dot- co or kahndebra -at- gmail -dot- com