Re: Re: Subtly bad sentence construction

Subject: Re: Re: Subtly bad sentence construction
From: Nancy Allison <maker -at- verizon -dot- net>
To: kahndebra -at- gmail -dot- com, Kay -dot- Robart -at- tea -dot- texas -dot- gov
Date: Fri, 29 May 2015 14:30:22 -0500 (CDT)

Hi, Debra. Thank you! That is very elegant.

--Nancy
On 05/29/15, Debra Kahn<kahndebra -at- gmail -dot- com> wrote:

I'm with you, Nancy. (Lots and lots of sympathy!)
I am knee deep QMS procedures (following the ISO standard), and cringe
at all of the passive voice. Some of it I just can't get around
(particularly since the quality engineering manager thinks of herself
as a professional editor).
The mismatched halves of this sentence could be salvaged (and the
passive voice retained) with something like: The velocity rate cannot
be updated by changing the ratio for the transducer. If need be, you
could add "while the test result is in view mode" at the end. At least
in this rewrite, the single remaining gerund becomes the object of a
preposition.
Hope this helps,
Deb K
Debra Kahn, MA, PMP, CA-AM
[1]debra -at- dk-consulting -dot- co or [2]kahndebra -at- gmail -dot- com
Business: 970-541-0888
[3]http://dk-consulting.co
Twitter: @dkconsultco

References

1. mailto:debra -at- dk-consulting -dot- co
2. mailto:kahndebra -at- gmail -dot- com
3. http://dk-consulting.co/
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Adobe TCS 5: Get the Best of both worlds: modern publishing and best in class XML \ DITA authoring | http://adobe.ly/scpwfT

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

You are currently subscribed to TECHWR-L as archive -at- web -dot- techwr-l -dot- com -dot-

To unsubscribe send a blank email to
techwr-l-leave -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com


Send administrative questions to admin -at- techwr-l -dot- com -dot- Visit
http://www.techwhirl.com/email-discussion-groups/ for more resources and info.

Looking for articles on Technical Communications? Head over to our online magazine at http://techwhirl.com

Looking for the archived Techwr-l email discussions? Search our public email archives @ http://techwr-l.com/archives


Follow-Ups:

Previous by Author: Re: RE: Bad sentence #2
Next by Author: Re: Re: Bad sentence #2
Previous by Thread: Re: Subtly bad sentence construction
Next by Thread: Re: Subtly bad sentence construction


What this post helpful? Share it with friends and colleagues:

Sponsored Ads


Sponsored Ads