Humour: Nocilis of Yppolf #3

Subject: Humour: Nocilis of Yppolf #3
From: "Brian J. Dooley" <Brian_Dooley -at- EQUINOX -dot- GEN -dot- NZ>
Date: Mon, 17 Jan 1994 02:03:52 +1300

There has been some response requesting more, so I will post one or two
others from the bunch. This is #3.

1.3 Te Deum

Nocilis continued along his way, waddling from side to side, cradling his
voluminous beard in both hands. The road continued on for miles, into the
very far hinternlands of Retupmoc. He had heard of an experiment being
conducted in this region, and considered that someone should be there to
record it. After many perilous escapades involving loose tibs and etybs that
would suddenly charge from the underbrush, Nocilis reached his destination.
He had come to ENIAC Park, a recreational retreat still under
construction. Here, the ancient code from long dead systems had been
reassembled in a laboratory, bringing them miraculously back to life. He was
told that there were actual Nartrof systems being worked upon by the teams
here, as well as incredibly long and detailed systems in native Laboc. To
recreate these systems, the scientists here had used remnants of frog DNA as
well as large portions of the Larousse Gastronomique, on the assumption that
"all instructions look alike."
Lo and behold, the ancient formulas had worked! For there, throughout the
park, roamed the ancient giants of yore. There was a short, squat Hcnup
Drac, spindling and folding lustily within its protected zone. Next to this
was a Larneg Regdel, with an enormous loboc tail. It was amazing to consider
that these colossal herbivores once roamed freely upon the earth. In another
area, a large and rambing Tnemnrevog Noitacilppa roamed discontinently. It
had a great, shambling stride and frequently bumped into things, because its
brains were primarily located in a small globule on its posterior.
Far off in the distance, Nocilis could just barely see a small group of
the very earliest, protean data life forms -- a herd of Relbmessa Senituor.
They gamboled about on the grass, slipping and sliding around without either
much intelligence or much coordination. They were very simple, but prized by
the park's staff very highly. These were REAL systems.
There were more dangerous systems, too, such as the gigantic Yratilim, the
most vicious carnivore that ever lived. Then there were specimens of the
vicious Sri Mrof Rossecorp, with its single ripping claw that could lash out
and maim randomly.
"Why would you wish to ressurect these creatures," Nocilis asked the chief
"It is for amusement," he replied. "It also keeps everyone employed.
Nothing is as good for employment as an old system. A new system is created
quickly, and requires much less maintenance. That means fewer jobs. Besides,
it is much more interesting to push around zeros and ones than to work with
business specifications.
"You should also know that there are rumours of the continued existence of
all of these systems--in great abundance--throughout the world. We were
unable to obtain that code mainly because no-one wished to acknowledge that
they were relying upon dino-systems for critical business processes."
Nocilis would have continued the discussion, but at that moment, a whole
series of alarms went off. "The power is out, and all of the systems are
loose!" said the scientist, turning very white. On one of the monitors,
Nocilis saw the Yratilim devouring parts of a Tnemnrevog Noitacilppa, while
the latter observed its attacker bemusedly.
"We are in great danger," said the scientist. "They seem to have developed
the ability to reproduce."
"That would be due to the sections of the Larousse Gastronomique," said
Nocilis. "The whole thing could have been predicted by basic principles of
Bogus Mathematics, which incorporates most of Murphy's laws."
Nocilis decided at this point that he had much better ways to occupy his
time, and so departed to continue upon his journey.

(Copyright 1993, Brian J. Dooley)

***** BRIAN J. DOOLEY ***** 1/45 Aylesford St., Christchurch, NEW ZEALAND
email: Brian_Dooley -at- equinox -dot- gen -dot- nz CompuServe: 75146,3212

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