Re: Allergic reaction...

[Stan Potts <POTTS_STAN -at- TANDEM -dot- COM>]

Ok, you asked for it...when I saw the one about "In case of fire..."  I
had to send along these examples of how difficult our language is for
foreigners to deal with.  My sister, who is also a tech writer (pretty
scary thought, huh?, a two tech writer family), recently sent these
gems.


Some Do's and Don'ts for Travelers:

In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please.  If you are
not person to do such thing is please not to read notis.

In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day.
During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

In a Leipzig hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing
floor.  If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a
number of wishing floor.  Driving is then going alphabetically by
national order.

In a Paris hotel elevator: Pleas leave your values at the front desk.

In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office
between the hours of 9 and 11 a.m. daily.

In a Yugoslovian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the
job of the chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russion and Soviet
composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the
corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope
for.

On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet
soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let
loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

In a Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience, we recommend
courageous, efficient self-service. [This is my favorite--having had the
pleasure of experiencing a Hong Kong super market, I'm sure the author
has a much better grasp of english than it might appear upon first
reading]

Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.

In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order you summers suit.  Because is big rush we
will execute customers in strict rotation.

Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly: There will be a Moscow Exhibition of
Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculpters.  These were
executed over the past two years.

In an East African newspaper: A new swimming pool is rapidly taking
shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.

In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel
porter. [Hmmmmm...deja vu?]

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: It is strictly forbidden on our
black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance,
men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with
each other for that purpose.

Stan Potts
potts_stan -at- tandem -dot- com

------------   ORIGINAL ATTACHMENT   --------
SENT 01-20-94 FROM SMTPGATE (smahoney -at- u -dot- washington -dot- edu)

Great, I love 'em!  How about this one that was posted in a
hotel hallway:

        "In case of fire, do your best to alarm the hotel porter."
*************
Sarah Mahoney
Univ. of Wash.
*************

On Thu, 20 Jan 1994, Len Olszewski wrote:

> LaVonna Funkhouser and Sue Gallagher share some ludicrous instructions:

> [...]

> >   "Prolonged contact with skin or saturated clothing could
> >    cause irritation and an allergic reaction to some people."

> [...]

> >           "Blades are sharp, keep out of children."


> This isn't quite the same thing, but I thought the list members might
> get a kick out of it.

> About a year or so ago, my daughter had two quarters burning a hole in
> her pocket while we were at the grocery store. She decided to put them
> in one of the machines where you turn the dial and you get some little
> trinket. The item she received was a little plastic container filled
> with "snow putty", which was some sort of irridescent green goo with
> bits of *styrofoam* mixed up in it. The look of disappointment on her
> face was very sad, but after I saw the directions that came with this
> stuff, I bought them from her for a quarter, so all was not lost. Here
> they are, verbatim.

>                              INSTRUCTION
>                              -----------
> 1.      Rub the Snow Putty in hand, and make a ball, due to excellent
>         flexibility, to becomes well.
>         Be sure to restore the Snow Putty in the resealable P.E. Bag
>         when not in use, and tightly sealed, so will not dry-out.

> 2.      Also you can mix many different color Snow Putty and rub into
>         any shapes, wait until it gets dry in the wind, when you have
>         many beautiful models.

> 3.      Please do not swallow it, although this product has been passed
>         safety test.

> 4.      When the Snow Putty gets little hard, please add in to some
>         water keep rubbing, then you will have soft Snow Putty again.
>                                                    MADE IN TAIWAN

> One happy note, my daughter has never again put any money into those
> silly machines. She has, however, discovered other ways to spend it.
> Sigh.

> |Len Olszewski, Technical Writer | "Eat well, stay fit, die anyway."  |
> |saslpo -at- unx -dot- sas -dot- com|Cary, NC, USA|      - Bumper sticker              |
> |---------------------------------------------------------------------|
> | Opinions this ludicrous are mine. Reasonable opinions will cost you.|