Whale Removal Incident

[REYNOLDSI_J -at- DT3 -dot- DT -dot- UH -dot- EDU]

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The following was "found...while 'surfing' through the internet"
by Ken Walker, March 31, 1994.  A printout of the message
appeared on my desk that same day.  As a public service, I am
continuing distribution of this information to those who may
unexpectedly be called upon to remove a dead whale (or similar
types of large, rotting masses of organic material).
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From:     sellis -at- esri -dot- com
To:       whom it may concern
Date:     February 7, 10:05:56, 1994
Subject:  The Far Side comes to life in Oregon

I am absolutely not making this incident up; in fact I have it
all on videotape.  The tape is from a local TV news show in
Oregon, which sent a reporter out to cover the removal of 45-
foot, eight-ton dead whale that washed up on the beach.

The responsibility for getting rid of the carcass was placed with
the Oregon State Highway Division, apparently on the theory that
highways and whales are very similar in the sense that both are
large objects.  So anyway, the highway engineers hit upon a plan
(remember, I am not making this up) to blow up the whale with
dynamite.  The thinking was that the whale would be blown into
small pieces, which would then be eaten by seagulls and fish.
That would be that--a textbook whale removal.

So they moved the spectators back up the beach, put a half-ton of
dynamite next to the whale and set it off.  What follows, on the
videotape, is one of the most priceless events in the history of
the universe.  First you see the whale carcass disappear in a
huge blast of smoke and flame.  Then you hear the happy
spectators shouting "Yayy!" and "Whee!"  Then, suddenly, the
crowd's tone changes.

You hear a new sound like "splud, splap," and you hear a woman's
voice shouting "Here come pieces of...OH MY GOD!"  Something
smears the camera lens.  Later, the reporter explains:  "The
humor of the entire situation suddenly gave way to a run for
survival as huge chunks of whale blubber rained down everywhere."
One piece caved in the roof of a car parked more than a quarter
of a mile away!!  Remaining on the beach were several large
rotting whale sections the size of condominiums...