Humor: Documentation & Tech Support

Subject: Humor: Documentation & Tech Support
From: Ellen Adams <ellena -at- TOLSTOY -dot- SC -dot- TI -dot- COM>
Date: Mon, 19 Dec 1994 11:40:39 CST

My friends and I were talking about some inventive
publishing companies which are putting auto manuals on CD-ROM.

Our talk soon segued into a discussion comparing the way
we buy cars versus the way we buy computers.

And, we asked ourselves, do we consult our car-care manuals as often as we
consult our computer documentation? The jury is still out
on that one.

Luis de Constantinopla had this contribution to the
discussion. He said he got it from elsewhere on the net.

Subject: Another Analogy
(People don't buy cars like they by computers.)

General Motors doesn't have a help line for people who don't know how to
drive because people don't buy cars like they buy computers, but imagine
if they did....

Helpline: General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?

Customer: I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!

Helpline: Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?

Customer: What's an ignition?

Helpline: It's a starter motor that draws current from the battery
and turns over the engine.

Customer: Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know
all these technical terms just to use my car?

Helpline: General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?

Customer: My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!

Helpline: Is the gas tank empty?

Customer: Huh? How would I know?

Helpline: There's a little gauge on the front panel with a needle
and some markings form 'E' to 'F'. Where is the needle

Customer: It's pointing to 'E'. What does that mean?

Helpline: It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor and
purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself
or pay the vendor to install it for you.

Customer: What? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I
have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes
with everything built in!

Helpline: General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?

Customer: Your cars suck!

Helpline: What's wrong?

Customer: I crashed, that's what's wrong!

Helpline: What were you doing?

Customer: I wanted to go faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal
all the way to the floor. I worked fine for a while and
then it crashed and it won't start now!

Helpline: It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do
you expect us to do about it?

Customer: I want you to send me one of the latest versions that
doesn't crash anymore!

Helpline: General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?

Customer: Hi, I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because
it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering,
power brakes, and power door locks.

Helpline: Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?

Customer: How do I work it?

Helpline: Do you know how to drive?

Customer: Do I know how to what?

Helpline: Do you know how to drive?

Customer: I'm not a technical person. I just want to go places
in my car.

Ellen Adams
ellena -at- tolstoy -dot- sc -dot- ti -dot- com
Houston, TX

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