Word choice: separately packaged within ?

Subject: Word choice: separately packaged within ?
From: Dan Roberts <Dan_Roberts -at- IBI -dot- COM>
Date: Mon, 31 Mar 1997 09:36:08 EDT

I'm working on the packing list/cover letter for a product I doc. The
package for this product, Product W, includes the software on tape or
diskette, and a set of doc. The package *also* includes 2 additional
software products - Product F and Product E - along with these
products software and doc. Product F and Product E are shrinkwrapped
as 2 complete entities, and dropped into Product W's box.

So I've come up with a sentence in the overall packing list/cover
letter "Product F is separately packaged within Product W" and
"Product E is separately packaged within Product W". Yet, this
*sounds* completelyy gross!

Can anyone provide, off-list preferably, any better phrasing? Please
send any responses to dan_roberts -at- ibi -dot- com


TECHWR-L (Technical Communication) List Information: To send a message
to 2500+ readers, e-mail to TECHWR-L -at- LISTSERV -dot- OKSTATE -dot- EDU -dot- Send commands
Search the archives at http://www.documentation.com/ or search and
browse the archives at http://listserv.okstate.edu/archives/techwr-l.html

Previous by Author: Re: "The dialog box will appear"
Next by Author: managing document revisions?
Previous by Thread: Part time Job in Tennessee
Next by Thread: writing procedures, and templates

What this post helpful? Share it with friends and colleagues:

Sponsored Ads