ISO 9000

Subject: ISO 9000
From: Janice Gelb <janiceg -at- MARVIN -dot- ENG -dot- SUN -dot- COM>
Date: Thu, 9 Oct 1997 09:33:26 -0700

> Does anyone know of a good source to get started with learning about
> ISO 9000? I'm mostly interested in books, web sites, or training
> seminars.

I've been wondering what to do with a great ISO story someone
sent me in email, and this post gave me the perfect excuse to
share it with all of you (forwards deleted for obvious reasons):

The problem with ISO auditors is that, while they must be conversant
with the latest statistical quality methods, and with paper trails
and all that, they often don't know spit about methods and processes
(the theory behind ISO 9000 being that paper trail and traceability
are all that count). A company that supplies hardware and software
for chemical analysis of materials using optical spectrometry
received a call from one of their customers one day. (Optical
spectrometry relies on the wavelength emitted by a material when
excited; this wavelength is a characteristic of the material.) The
president of the company picked up the call.

The customer: We have an ISO auditor here, and he wants to know
what I am supposed to do if the wavelength changes.

The president: You mean if the mercury profile (one of the fine
adjustments) changes?

Customer: I don't think so. You talk to him.

The auditor: What do you do if the wavelength changes?

President: What do you mean?

Auditor: You have a table here. It says that chromium has a
certain wavelength. What do you do if it changes?

President: Then God is dead, and WE DON'T CARE!

Janice Gelb | The only connection Sun has with this
janice -dot- gelb -at- eng -dot- sun -dot- com | message is the return address.

"The first Halloween prank ever, played by a group of Druid teenagers,
was Stonehenge. (`HEY! You kids get those rocks OFF my LAWN!')"
-- Dave Barry


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