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Subject:HUMOR: Now on sale at the STC bookstore From:Andrew Plato <intrepid_es -at- yahoo -dot- com> To:techwr-l -at- lists -dot- raycomm -dot- com Date:Fri, 29 Oct 1999 11:17:03 -0700 (PDT)
How I Made A Million in Technical Writing and Never Learned a Damn Thing
by Jake Complainer
Master, senior, executive, superior human Jake Complainer describes how he
built an entire career off telling others how to write. Jake spent the first 2
years of his career working and the remaining 15 attending STC conferences and
assessing the font spacing of FrameMaker templates. "Jake's amazing lack of
experience and skills are a inspiration for everyone who wants to cash in and
avoid work." Sudir Pantanulamba, Slaves from other Countries Consulting, Inc.
Adobe is from Venus, Microsoft is from Mars
By Ina Whiner
Hyper-mega, super skilled and tremendously huge Ina Whiner tells how the
satanic forces of Microsoft fouled the Divine purity of Adobe FrameMaker. Ina
shows how FrameMaker a vastly superior form of life, was corrupted and hounded
by Bill Gate's minions. "Ina's insistence that all of humanity bow in humble
reverence to the awe and grandeur of FrameMaker almost brought up tears - among
other things." Ken Kluckpucker, Oogle the Boobs Consolidated Manufacturing.
Why we Write
by Michael Sanctimonious
Lord and Master Technical Communicator Michael Sanctimonious tells his touching
and tale of how he started in technical communications. Included are his
endless debates with frizz haired professors about the value of information
mapping and how to use the comma more effectively. Humor abounds as Michael
reveals the terror of his first day at Inhuman Drudgery Corporation when he is
asked to logon using Windows NT. After thoroughly explaining to management
that he is an artist and tender soul - not a technology nerd, his bosses
relented and allowed him to write his documents on a clackity old typewriter.
"I almost peed my pants when I read about Michael's encounter with a database."
Gretchen Fletchit, Streaming River Inc.
The Kalkatorian Methodology
by Daniel Kalkatorian
High-priest and Executive Washroom Towel Boy Daniel Kalkatorian describes the
simple and effective methodology he developed while working at Incomprehensible
Consulting Inc. This 179 step process ensures your technical publications
department will have more effecient and effective ways to measure the ways you
are measuring things. "Our Technical Publications department went from chaos to
controlled effectiveness thanks to Daniel's book. We now have a metric for
everything and have reduced our documentation times from 96 months to 95 months
for a 100 page user manual." Mary Fluzblacken, Holy Nightmare Software Inc.
Learn to Format a Floppy Disk in 5 Days!
By Frederick Fontfondler
Top of the heap guy Frederick Fontfondler provides easy, step-by-step
instructions geared for technical communicators to learn the complex process of
formatting floppies. Frederick demonstrates through the use of colorful
graphics and intricate gradients how floppy formatting, a long time oppressor
of technical communicators, can be mastered in just 5 days. "This book feels a
little oily, but boy does it make floppy formatting easy." Ted Takealongwalk,
Latex Notions Inc.
The Fonts of Madison County
By Murial Chickenbiter
Sensitive poet and technical writer Murial Chickenbiter tells the soulful tale
of some blond chick who meets this rugged, buff, guy with rock hard abs who
also happens to be sensitive and brilliant. As their love affair unfolds with
well timed sexual encounters, the rugged buff guy shows Murial, er, the blonde
chick how she can increase her whitespace with sans-serif fonts. "I was kerning
for more." Dagmar Futz, This Shit Sucks Software.
I am a Loser - and Stop Eating those Damn Hampsters
by Andrew Plato
Utter dipwad Andrew Plato spends yet another day jerking around on TECHWR-L
when he should be working. Jacked on coffee and Reese Sticks, Andrew is
probably going to get booted off the board someday for his mindless drivel. "I
dated him once, he likes New Order WAAAAAAAAY to much." Cynthia Kuneman,
You should see this frog I found in the backyard. I think it gave me magical
powers - or a cold.