For your amusement....

The draft returns
On its cover, two words
"Needs work"
The horror, the horror

Young Jedi tech writer
His mind corrupted with unstructured Frame
and the madness of Word
You must unlearn
all you have learned

"Let's take it offline"
the manager sings
We are offline. We are online.
What are we - the Borg?

The marketer says:
"architect our software"
"leverage our knowledge"
"empower our synergy"
Marketers...
Such funny creatures

Auto-numbering in Word
Ah, the sheer joy
It's as easy as
1, 7, 43

XML is simple
Just elements, attributes & variables
Have no fear
It's not rocket surgery

FrameMaker conditions - solid as concrete
FrameMaker variables - beyond unbreakable
FrameMaker text insets -
I weep uncontrollably

The programmer writes
"using the zeta function
the new class may
inherit the variable
or be destroyed"
What colour is the sky
in the programmer's world?

The PDF file size - so very large!
The BA asks:
"Can't we just use
a smaller font?"
Must control
fist of death

I see the demo
of the shiny new CMS
XML-based, single sourcing, versioning, auto-workflow
Let the drooling begin

XML, CSS, CMS
HTML, XHTML, XSL-FO
PDF, TIFF, GIF
Alphabet soup
Makes me nauseous

The cover
of the shipped guide torments me
"User Manul"
Quick and painless
It is an honourable death

The 2,000 page document is complete
Peace at last
What - more changes?
I insert the CD ROM
delicately into
the reviewer's skull
Was that wrong?

The nervous tech writing students
Await my interview of them
Entering as the Emperor, I bellow
"Bring me that one -
He amuses me."

A guide is needed
With 27 versions
in 6 different formats
and 4 languages
Excuse me while I place
gingerly into the paper cutter
my aching head

Testing the software
The message appears
I chuckle heartily
"Error, big"

The tech writer guards his job
Crafting his macro carefully
In the event of a dismissal
Click OK morphs into
Click Ms. Piggy

343 screenshots
All to be redone
Years later, from the tech writing department
You can still hear the screams

Adopted by the Adobe tribe
I receive my First Nations name
Know it well:
"Dances with Fonts"

Savoring the smell
of the freshly printed manual
in the morning
It smells like
printer toner

The haughty reviewer
Demands to see the document
I send an XML file
He has no viewer
Vengeance is mine

See the SME
who does not return his draft
See Igor, the seven foot tech writer
Run, SME, run!

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