Re: I like mine better, but I don't know why.

Subject: Re: I like mine better, but I don't know why.
From: "Jo Baer" <jbaer -at- tcfbank -dot- com>
To: "TECHWR-L" <techwr-l -at- lists -dot- raycomm -dot- com>
Date: Thu, 17 Jan 2002 11:17:34 -0600

Hmm. I was thinking that the bullets referred to "benefits" rather than "it" (the
new process). In that vein, I would rewrite the bullets as
- Improved adherence to corporate yada yadas
- Increased sales ...
- Improved margins ...

However, when there's a tussle over something that seems quite minor, such as
whether or not there should be an s at the end of a word, I often find that my
original sentence or paragraph could be rewritten in a way that avoids the original
issue altogether. When I broaden my focus to do this, I often find that the end
result is much clearer, more economical, more elegant--whatever we are striving
for--than the original. Everybody wins.


Jo Baer
Senior Technical Writer
TCF National Bank
Minneapolis, Minnesota
jbaer -at- -dot- tcfbank -dot- com

The mome rath isn't born that could outgrabe me.

Nicol Williamson

Nora Merhar wrote:

> John,
> Technically, she's right. The way the sentences would read if they were
> complete would be
> --It (the new process) improves adherence...
> --It automates workflow...
> And so forth. You need a plural subject to structure it the way you want to
> (these new process improve adherence...).
> But Keith's suggestion was a good one.
> Nora

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RE: I like mine better, but I don't know why.: From: Nora Merhar

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