RE: How would you revise?

Subject: RE: How would you revise?
From: "Lauren" <lt34 -at- csus -dot- edu>
To: "'Ben'" <baj357 -at- gmail -dot- com>, "'TECHWR-L'" <techwr-l -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com>
Date: Wed, 18 Jul 2007 13:57:50 -0700

> -----Original Message-----
> Behalf Of Ben
> Without any further context, how would you revise the following?
> When a loop is running, once the first loop is completed, the
> lines in the
> loop are not editable anymore." My revision: "When a loop is
> running, you
> cannot edit the lines in the loop after the first loop is completed."

"The loop cannot be edited after the first loop is completed while the loop
is still running."

"The loop is not editable after the first loop is completed while the loop
is still running."

I'm actually confused about what is happening. Can the loop be edited
before the first loop completes its run?

> Or revise this sentence: "For submitted sequences, all lines
> are editable."
> My revision: "You can edit all lines for submitted sequences."

"All lines are editable for submitted sequences."

"All lines in submitted sequences can be edited."

"All lines in submitted sequences are editable."

As you can gather, I avoid using "you." Avoiding the "to be" tense is also
a good idea. I had a technical writer professor that was adamant that "to
be" must be avoided. She would probably not approve of my use of "to be" to
discuss her rule.



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How would you revise?: From: Ben

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