Re: Need some opinions on phrasing

Subject: Re: Need some opinions on phrasing
From: Keith Hood <klhra -at- yahoo -dot- com>
To: techwr-l -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com, Sharon Burton <sharon -at- anthrobytes -dot- com>
Date: Tue, 27 Jan 2009 10:12:04 -0800 (PST)

Rather than having that much verbiage, I'd put it in a matrix, with the qualifying factors becoming column headers.


--- On Tue, 1/27/09, Sharon Burton <sharon -at- anthrobytes -dot- com> wrote:

From: Sharon Burton <sharon -at- anthrobytes -dot- com>
Subject: Re: Need some opinions on phrasing
To: techwr-l -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
Date: Tuesday, January 27, 2009, 12:50 PM


-----Inline Attachment Follows-----

How about:

If your server is an AIX server using Native MPIO, where AIX is a minimum of
Version 5.3 with Technology Level 6 (TL6), then select IBM AIX Native 
MPIO TL6+. If that is not your server, then select IBM AIX Native MPIO 
Legacy.

I think chunking this into If this, then that, else as 2 sentences 
makes it clearer.

--
sharon
From web


Quoting Deborah Slutzky <Deborah -dot- Slutzky -at- datacore -dot- com>:

> Hi All,
>
>
>
> I have two different statements below that mean the same thing. I prefer
> statement #1 because I do not like the use of "or higher" twice in the
> phrase, as shown in #2. Someone else here prefers the use of the words
> "or higher" over "a minimum of."
>
> I guess it's minor, but is there a preferred way to phrase this? If not,
> can I hear some opinions on which sentence sounds better?
>
>
>
> 1.    For AIX servers using Native MPIO, where AIX is a minimum of
> Version 5.3 with Technology Level 6 (TL6), select IBM AIX Native MPIO
> TL6+; otherwise, select IBM AIX Native MPIO Legacy.
>
>
>
> 2.    For AIX servers using Native MPIO, where AIX is Version 5.3 or
> higher with Technology Level 6 (TL6) or higher, select IBM AIX Native
> MPIO TL6+; otherwise, select IBM AIX Native MPIO Legacy.
>
>
>
> BTW, I hope I'm clear, if a user has AIX V5.4 with TL2, he would select
> IBM AIX Native MPIO TL6+. Striving for clarity, I removed what was there
> previously which was: "...where AIX is Version 5.3 with Technology Level
> 6 (TL6) or higher, select select IBM AIX Native MPIO TL6+; otherwise,
> select IBM AIX Native MPIO Legacy." I thought the user might think that
> version 5.3 was a requirement, but that the technology level had to be a
> minimum of 6, which is incorrect.
>
> Thank you!
>
> Deb Slutzky
> DataCore Software
> Sr. Technical Writer
> 954/377-6028
> Deborah -dot- Slutzky -at- datacore -dot- com <mailto:Deborah -dot- Slutzky -at- datacore -dot- com>

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