Re: Need some opinions on phrasing

Subject: Re: Need some opinions on phrasing
From: Sharon Burton <sharon -at- anthrobytes -dot- com>
To: Keith Hood <klhra -at- yahoo -dot- com>
Date: Tue, 27 Jan 2009 10:34:02 -0800

An even better solution.
--
sharon
From web


Quoting Keith Hood <klhra -at- yahoo -dot- com>:

> Rather than having that much verbiage, I'd put it in a matrix, with
> the qualifying factors becoming column headers.
>
>
> --- On Tue, 1/27/09, Sharon Burton <sharon -at- anthrobytes -dot- com> wrote:
>
> From: Sharon Burton <sharon -at- anthrobytes -dot- com>
> Subject: Re: Need some opinions on phrasing
> To: techwr-l -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
> Date: Tuesday, January 27, 2009, 12:50 PM
>
>
> -----Inline Attachment Follows-----
>
> How about:
>
> If your server is an AIX server using Native MPIO, where AIX is a minimum of
> Version 5.3 with Technology Level 6 (TL6), then select IBM AIX Native 
> MPIO TL6+. If that is not your server, then select IBM AIX Native MPIO 
> Legacy.
>
> I think chunking this into If this, then that, else as 2 sentences 
> makes it clearer.
>
> --
> sharon
> From web
>
>
> Quoting Deborah Slutzky <Deborah -dot- Slutzky -at- datacore -dot- com>:
>
>> Hi All,
>>
>>
>>
>> I have two different statements below that mean the same thing. I prefer
>> statement #1 because I do not like the use of "or higher" twice in the
>> phrase, as shown in #2. Someone else here prefers the use of the words
>> "or higher" over "a minimum of."
>>
>> I guess it's minor, but is there a preferred way to phrase this? If not,
>> can I hear some opinions on which sentence sounds better?
>>
>>
>>
>> 1.    For AIX servers using Native MPIO, where AIX is a minimum of
>> Version 5.3 with Technology Level 6 (TL6), select IBM AIX Native MPIO
>> TL6+; otherwise, select IBM AIX Native MPIO Legacy.
>>
>>
>>
>> 2.    For AIX servers using Native MPIO, where AIX is Version 5.3 or
>> higher with Technology Level 6 (TL6) or higher, select IBM AIX Native
>> MPIO TL6+; otherwise, select IBM AIX Native MPIO Legacy.
>>
>>
>>
>> BTW, I hope I'm clear, if a user has AIX V5.4 with TL2, he would select
>> IBM AIX Native MPIO TL6+. Striving for clarity, I removed what was there
>> previously which was: "...where AIX is Version 5.3 with Technology Level
>> 6 (TL6) or higher, select select IBM AIX Native MPIO TL6+; otherwise,
>> select IBM AIX Native MPIO Legacy." I thought the user might think that
>> version 5.3 was a requirement, but that the technology level had to be a
>> minimum of 6, which is incorrect.
>>
>> Thank you!
>>
>> Deb Slutzky
>> DataCore Software
>> Sr. Technical Writer
>> 954/377-6028
>> Deborah -dot- Slutzky -at- datacore -dot- com <mailto:Deborah -dot- Slutzky -at- datacore -dot- com>
>

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References:
Re: Need some opinions on phrasing: From: Keith Hood

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