RE: Yet one more - really need an explanation for this one

["Pinkham, Jim" <Jim -dot- Pinkham -at- voith -dot- com>]

Without exploring the grammar too closely, you have a question of
tenses. Strictly speaking, with the syntax and punctuation given here,
IMHO, the first is correct and the second is not. Neither is
particularly good, and the writing again reflects a penchant for
passives. If you really want to have a more present feel to the second
sentence, you could say "have been" rather than "are," but I don't know
that this any less clunky.

I'd prefer something more along the lines of:

The ongoing development of XX Systems reflects more than 10 years of
research.

OR

With more than a decade of continuous research and development, XX
Systems.... [ACTIVE VERB] [STATE BENEFIT/SO WHAT?/WHO CARES? MESSAGE].

E.g., "Incorporating more than a decade of ongoing research and
development, XX Systems offers unrivaled ability to map your courier
routes for optimal delivery times, minimum traffic delays, and optimum
fuel efficiency."

In other words, the sentence itself needs work, and the message
underlying the statement will drive how you rewrite it. If there is no
reason for telling us the product incorporates more than 10 years of
research, of course, then we're in trouble! :)

HTH,
Jim



 

-----Original Message-----
From: techwr-l-bounces+jim -dot- pinkham=voith -dot- com -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
[mailto:techwr-l-bounces+jim -dot- pinkham=voith -dot- com -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com] On
Behalf Of Deborah Hemstreet
Sent: Wednesday, May 20, 2009 11:06 AM
To: techwr-l -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
Subject: Yet one more - really need an explanation for this one


 Hi All,

I have a sentence that reads:

XX Systems were developed based on over 10 years of research ...

The client wants:

XX Systems *are *developed based on over 10 years of research ...

I am certain that "are" is incorrect here, but don't know how to explain
this. Can you help?

Thanks

Deborah

http://www.tech-challenged.com
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