RE: Yet one more - really need an explanation for this one

Subject: RE: Yet one more - really need an explanation for this one
From: "Pinkham, Jim" <Jim -dot- Pinkham -at- voith -dot- com>
To: <dvora -at- tech-challenged -dot- com>
Date: Thu, 21 May 2009 08:31:20 -0500

Without exploring the grammar too closely, you have a question of
tenses. Strictly speaking, with the syntax and punctuation given here,
IMHO, the first is correct and the second is not. Neither is
particularly good, and the writing again reflects a penchant for
passives. If you really want to have a more present feel to the second
sentence, you could say "have been" rather than "are," but I don't know
that this any less clunky.

I'd prefer something more along the lines of:

The ongoing development of XX Systems reflects more than 10 years of
research.

OR

With more than a decade of continuous research and development, XX
Systems.... [ACTIVE VERB] [STATE BENEFIT/SO WHAT?/WHO CARES? MESSAGE].

E.g., "Incorporating more than a decade of ongoing research and
development, XX Systems offers unrivaled ability to map your courier
routes for optimal delivery times, minimum traffic delays, and optimum
fuel efficiency."

In other words, the sentence itself needs work, and the message
underlying the statement will drive how you rewrite it. If there is no
reason for telling us the product incorporates more than 10 years of
research, of course, then we're in trouble! :)

HTH,
Jim





-----Original Message-----
From: techwr-l-bounces+jim -dot- pinkham=voith -dot- com -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
[mailto:techwr-l-bounces+jim -dot- pinkham=voith -dot- com -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com] On
Behalf Of Deborah Hemstreet
Sent: Wednesday, May 20, 2009 11:06 AM
To: techwr-l -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
Subject: Yet one more - really need an explanation for this one


Hi All,

I have a sentence that reads:

XX Systems were developed based on over 10 years of research ...

The client wants:

XX Systems *are *developed based on over 10 years of research ...

I am certain that "are" is incorrect here, but don't know how to explain
this. Can you help?

Thanks

Deborah

http://www.tech-challenged.com
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

ComponentOne Doc-To-Help 2009 is your all-in-one authoring and
publishing solution. Author in Doc-To-Help's XML-based editor,
Microsoft Word or HTML and publish to the Web, Help systems or printed
manuals.
http://www.doctohelp.com

Help & Manual 5: The complete help authoring tool for individual authors
and teams. Professional power, intuitive interface. Write once, publish
to 8 formats. Multi-user authoring and version control!
http://www.helpandmanual.com/

---
You are currently subscribed to TECHWR-L as Jim -dot- Pinkham -at- voith -dot- com -dot-

To unsubscribe send a blank email to
techwr-l-unsubscribe -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
or visit
http://lists.techwr-l.com/mailman/options/techwr-l/jim.pinkham%40voith.c
om


To subscribe, send a blank email to techwr-l-join -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com

Send administrative questions to admin -at- techwr-l -dot- com -dot- Visit
http://www.techwr-l.com/ for more resources and info.

Please move off-topic discussions to the Chat list, at:
http://lists.techwr-l.com/mailman/listinfo/techwr-l-chat

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

ComponentOne Doc-To-Help 2009 is your all-in-one authoring and publishing
solution. Author in Doc-To-Help's XML-based editor, Microsoft Word or
HTML and publish to the Web, Help systems or printed manuals.
http://www.doctohelp.com

Help & Manual 5: The complete help authoring tool for individual
authors and teams. Professional power, intuitive interface. Write
once, publish to 8 formats. Multi-user authoring and version control! http://www.helpandmanual.com/

---
You are currently subscribed to TECHWR-L as archive -at- web -dot- techwr-l -dot- com -dot-

To unsubscribe send a blank email to
techwr-l-unsubscribe -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
or visit http://lists.techwr-l.com/mailman/options/techwr-l/archive%40web.techwr-l.com


To subscribe, send a blank email to techwr-l-join -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com

Send administrative questions to admin -at- techwr-l -dot- com -dot- Visit
http://www.techwr-l.com/ for more resources and info.

Please move off-topic discussions to the Chat list, at:
http://lists.techwr-l.com/mailman/listinfo/techwr-l-chat


Follow-Ups:

References:
GUI Elements defined: From: Bruce Megan (ST-CO/ENG2.2)
Re: GUI Elements defined: From: Gregory P Sweet
Re: GUI Elements defined: From: Chris Morton
Grammar (again!): From: Deborah Hemstreet
Yet one more - really need an explanation for this one: From: Deborah Hemstreet

Previous by Author: RE: RE: Anonymizer or similar products
Next by Author: RE: Yet one more - really need an explanation for this one
Previous by Thread: Re: Yet one more - really need an explanation for this one
Next by Thread: Re: Yet one more - really need an explanation for this one


What this post helpful? Share it with friends and colleagues:

Sponsored Ads


Sponsored Ads