Re: Bad sentence #2

Subject: Re: Bad sentence #2
From: Emoto <emoto1 -at- gmail -dot- com>
To: Lynne Wright <Lynne -dot- Wright -at- tritech -dot- com>
Date: Fri, 29 May 2015 15:25:25 -0400

I'm with you, Lynne. There is no utility in trying to teach the engineers
to learn the error of their ways. (LOL). I just take whatever I am given,
re-write it so that it resembles English, then run it past the source again
to make sure it still works.

Bob

On Fri, May 29, 2015 at 3:20 PM, Lynne Wright <Lynne -dot- Wright -at- tritech -dot- com>
wrote:

> As an editor, I personally wouldn't bother coming up with grammatical
> justifications for why it's a bad sentence.
>
> The real problem is that the writer either doesn't understand what they
> are trying to explain; and/or they don't know the correct terminology to
> use (what the hedge are "USB communications"? What do they mean by
> "instrument"? "Device?").... Its hard to parse the sentence when I can't
> figure out what they're talking about.
>
> I'd just say that its too wordy and convoluted and needs to be re-written
> so that its simple, clear, and in active voice.
>
> And then provide the solution, something like:
>
> Install the latest USB drivers for v 4.1 firmware to enable external
> devices, such as a wireless mouse.
>
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: techwr-l-bounces+lynne -dot- wright=tritech -dot- com -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
> [mailto:techwr-l-bounces+lynne -dot- wright=tritech -dot- com -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com] On
> Behalf Of Nancy Allison
> Sent: May-29-15 3:07 PM
> To: techwr-l -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
> Subject: Bad sentence #2
>
> "In order to use USB communications to control the instrument running
> v. 4.1 firmware, the latest USB drivers must be installed."
> No dangling participle. Just . . . what?
> "In order to use USB communications to control the instrument running
> v. 4.1 firmware" is an introductory phrase providing a reason. It's not
> a clause because there is no subject.
> Friends, give me your best grammatical analysis. Thirty years ago, when
> I was teaching English as a Second Language, I could have whipped that
> sentence apart and explained its construction with gimlet-eyed
> precision. Now, quite literally, words fail!
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References:
Bad sentence #2: From: Nancy Allison
RE: Bad sentence #2: From: Lynne Wright

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