Re: Bad sentence #2

Subject: Re: Bad sentence #2
From: Rick Lippincott <rjl6955 -at- gmail -dot- com>
To: Nancy Allison <maker -at- verizon -dot- net>
Date: Fri, 29 May 2015 19:04:21 -0400

When all else fails, just mark it up like an editor I worked with a long time ago: JDLR

"Just don't look right."

--Rick Lippincott

Sent from my iPhone

> On May 29, 2015, at 3:29 PM, Nancy Allison <maker -at- verizon -dot- net> wrote:
>
> Thanks, Lynn.
> I'm just an old grammar nerd, and it bugs me that I can no longer
> explain exactly what the problem is in traditional grammatical terms. I
> must dig out the textbooks I used to teach from, long ago, and
> reacquaint myself with the correct terms! I suppose it would amuse my
> students to see me now . . .
> --Nancy
>
>
> On 05/29/15, Lynne Wright<Lynne -dot- Wright -at- tritech -dot- com> wrote:
>
> As an editor, I personally wouldn't bother coming up with grammatical
> justifications for why it's a bad sentence.
> The real problem is that the writer either doesn't understand what they
> are trying to explain; and/or they don't know the correct terminology
> to use (what the hedge are "USB communications"? What do they mean by
> "instrument"? "Device?").... Its hard to parse the sentence when I
> can't figure out what they're talking about.
> I'd just say that its too wordy and convoluted and needs to be
> re-written so that its simple, clear, and in active voice.
> And then provide the solution, something like:
> Install the latest USB drivers for v 4.1 firmware to enable external
> devices, such as a wireless mouse.
> -----Original Message-----
> From: techwr-l-bounces+lynn[1]e -dot- wright=tritech -dot- com -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
> [[2]mailto:techwr-l-bounces+lynne -dot- wright=tritech -dot- com -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
> ] On Behalf Of Nancy Allison
> Sent: May-29-15 3:07 PM
> To: [3]techwr-l -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
> Subject: Bad sentence #2
> "In order to use USB communications to control the instrument running
> v. 4.1 firmware, the latest USB drivers must be installed."
> No dangling participle. Just . . . what?
> "In order to use USB communications to control the instrument running
> v. 4.1 firmware" is an introductory phrase providing a reason. It's not
> a clause because there is no subject.
> Friends, give me your best grammatical analysis. Thirty years ago, when
> I was teaching English as a Second Language, I could have whipped that
> sentence apart and explained its construction with gimlet-eyed
> precision. Now, quite literally, words fail!
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> References
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> 2. mailto:techwr-l-bounces+lynne -dot- wright=tritech -dot- com -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
> 3. mailto:techwr-l -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
> 4. http://adobe.ly/scpwfT
> 5. mailto:techwr-l-leave -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
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