Re: Bad sentence #2

Subject: Re: Bad sentence #2
From: Rick Lippincott <rjl6955 -at- gmail -dot- com>
To: Nancy Allison <maker -at- verizon -dot- net>
Date: Fri, 29 May 2015 19:04:21 -0400

When all else fails, just mark it up like an editor I worked with a long time ago: JDLR

"Just don't look right."

--Rick Lippincott

Sent from my iPhone

> On May 29, 2015, at 3:29 PM, Nancy Allison <maker -at- verizon -dot- net> wrote:
>
> Thanks, Lynn.
> I'm just an old grammar nerd, and it bugs me that I can no longer
> explain exactly what the problem is in traditional grammatical terms. I
> must dig out the textbooks I used to teach from, long ago, and
> reacquaint myself with the correct terms! I suppose it would amuse my
> students to see me now . . .
> --Nancy
>
>
> On 05/29/15, Lynne Wright<Lynne -dot- Wright -at- tritech -dot- com> wrote:
>
> As an editor, I personally wouldn't bother coming up with grammatical
> justifications for why it's a bad sentence.
> The real problem is that the writer either doesn't understand what they
> are trying to explain; and/or they don't know the correct terminology
> to use (what the hedge are "USB communications"? What do they mean by
> "instrument"? "Device?").... Its hard to parse the sentence when I
> can't figure out what they're talking about.
> I'd just say that its too wordy and convoluted and needs to be
> re-written so that its simple, clear, and in active voice.
> And then provide the solution, something like:
> Install the latest USB drivers for v 4.1 firmware to enable external
> devices, such as a wireless mouse.
> -----Original Message-----
> From: techwr-l-bounces+lynn[1]e -dot- wright=tritech -dot- com -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
> [[2]mailto:techwr-l-bounces+lynne -dot- wright=tritech -dot- com -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
> ] On Behalf Of Nancy Allison
> Sent: May-29-15 3:07 PM
> To: [3]techwr-l -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
> Subject: Bad sentence #2
> "In order to use USB communications to control the instrument running
> v. 4.1 firmware, the latest USB drivers must be installed."
> No dangling participle. Just . . . what?
> "In order to use USB communications to control the instrument running
> v. 4.1 firmware" is an introductory phrase providing a reason. It's not
> a clause because there is no subject.
> Friends, give me your best grammatical analysis. Thirty years ago, when
> I was teaching English as a Second Language, I could have whipped that
> sentence apart and explained its construction with gimlet-eyed
> precision. Now, quite literally, words fail!
> ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
> Adobe TCS 5: Get the Best of both worlds: modern publishing and best in
> class XML \ DITA authoring | [4]http://adobe.ly/scpwfT
> ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
> You are currently subscribed to TECHWR-L as lynne -dot- wright -at- tritech -dot- com -dot-
> To unsubscribe send a blank email to
> [5]techwr-l-leave -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
> Send administrative questions to admin -at- techwr-l -dot- com -dot- Visit
> [6]http://www.techwhirl.com/email-discussion-groups/ for more resources
> and info.
> Looking for articles on Technical Communications? Head over to our
> online magazine at [7]http://techwhirl.com
> Looking for the archived Techwr-l email discussions? Search our public
> email archives @ [8]http://techwr-l.com/archives
>
> References
>
> 1. mailto:e -dot- wright=tritech -dot- com -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
> 2. mailto:techwr-l-bounces+lynne -dot- wright=tritech -dot- com -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
> 3. mailto:techwr-l -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
> 4. http://adobe.ly/scpwfT
> 5. mailto:techwr-l-leave -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
> 6. http://www.techwhirl.com/email-discussion-groups/
> 7. http://techwhirl.com/
> 8. http://techwr-l.com/archives
> ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
> Adobe TCS 5: Get the Best of both worlds: modern publishing and best in class XML \ DITA authoring | http://adobe.ly/scpwfT
>
> ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>
> You are currently subscribed to TECHWR-L as rjl6955 -at- gmail -dot- com -dot-
>
> To unsubscribe send a blank email to
> techwr-l-leave -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
>
>
> Send administrative questions to admin -at- techwr-l -dot- com -dot- Visit
> http://www.techwhirl.com/email-discussion-groups/ for more resources and info.
>
> Looking for articles on Technical Communications? Head over to our online magazine at http://techwhirl.com
>
> Looking for the archived Techwr-l email discussions? Search our public email archives @ http://techwr-l.com/archives
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Adobe TCS 5: Get the Best of both worlds: modern publishing and best in class XML \ DITA authoring | http://adobe.ly/scpwfT

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

You are currently subscribed to TECHWR-L as archive -at- web -dot- techwr-l -dot- com -dot-

To unsubscribe send a blank email to
techwr-l-leave -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com


Send administrative questions to admin -at- techwr-l -dot- com -dot- Visit
http://www.techwhirl.com/email-discussion-groups/ for more resources and info.

Looking for articles on Technical Communications? Head over to our online magazine at http://techwhirl.com

Looking for the archived Techwr-l email discussions? Search our public email archives @ http://techwr-l.com/archives


References:
Re: RE: Bad sentence #2: From: Nancy Allison

Previous by Author: Re: Freelance, contract part-time
Next by Author: RE: Subtly bad sentence construction
Previous by Thread: Re: RE: Bad sentence #2
Next by Thread: Re: Re: Bad sentence #2


What this post helpful? Share it with friends and colleagues:

Sponsored Ads


Sponsored Ads