The Journal of Irreproducible Results

Subject: The Journal of Irreproducible Results
From: Andreas Ramos <andreas -at- NETCOM -dot- COM>
Date: Fri, 18 Mar 1994 12:22:52 -0800

Dear fellow techwriters, (... hum, does "fellows" includes women?...)

Dear fellow and fellowette techwriters (...that'll get me flamed for
sure..)

Howdy, You'all!
Here's a copy of the Journal of IR. It's been around for a while; it's my
favorite piece of scientific parody, written of course by science people.
So... if you like science, or read Scientific American or Science or any
of these, you'll love the JIR.

By the way, does anyone have parodies of documentation writing? I have a
CAT systems documentation.

yrs,
andreas
_____________________________________________________________________________
Andreas Ramos, M.A. Heidelberg Sacramento, California


============================================================
The mini-Journal of Irreproducible Results ("mini-JIR")
Issue Number 1994-03
March, 1994
ISSN 1072-7159
Key words:science humor,irreproducible results,Ig Nobel
------------------------------------------------------------
The Official Electronic mini-Organ of
The Society for Basic Irreproducible Research
------------------------------------------------------------
Produced jointly by
The Journal of Irreproducible Results (JIR) and
The MIT Museum
============================================================

-----------------------------
1994-03-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS

1994-03-01 Table of Contents
1994-03-02 Purpose of the mini-Journal (*)
1994-03-03 Abstracts from JIR 39:2 (March/April 1994)
1994-03-04 Clipper Chip Envelope, Initiative, and Economics
1994-03-05 JIR Barnstorming Tour: partial schedule ---IMPORTANT!!!
1994-03-06 JIR Recommends
1994-03-07 Calendar of Upcoming Events
1994-03-08 Calls for Papers
1994-03-09 How to Submit Articles (*)
1994-03-10 How to Subscribe / How to Get Back Issues (*)
1994-03-11 Yes, please DO make copies! (*)
1994-03-12 Irreproducible Section

Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue.


---------------------------------------
1994-03-02 Purpose of the mini-Journal (*)

The mini-Journal of Irreproducible Results publishes news about overly
stimulating research and ideas. Specifically:

A) Haphazardly selected superficial (but advanced!) extracts of research
news and satire from the Journal of Irreproducible Results (JIR).

B) News about the annual Ig Nobel Prize ceremony. Ig Nobel Prizes honor
"achievements that cannot or should not be reproduced." A public
ceremony is held at MIT, in Cambridge Massachusetts, every autumn. The
ceremony is sponsored jointly by JIR and by the MIT Museum.

C) News about other science humor activities conducted by the MIT Museum
and JIR.

------------------------------------------------------------
1994-03-03 Abstracts from JIR 39:2 (March/April 1994)

"The Law of Conservation of Matter and the Roger Smith Hotel," by John
Splettstoesser
Theoretical calculations cast doubt on the generally accepted hypothesis
that the Law of Conservation of Matter applies to hotels. Violation of
this natural law would have significant implications for public health
and safety. A fortuitous event, the demolition of the Roger Smith Hotel
in Washington, D.C., in 1975, provided physical evidence (more than 2
million razor blades) for this theory.

"Macroscopic Transposons and Jean Splicing Events," by Donald E. Tsai
On a molecular scale, genes are known to be processed and rearranged by
splicing and transposition events. Such events are also common in the
macroscopic world. Examples are presented involving Denimus pantus, the
"Blue Jean" -- and in particular involving the species levilus, leeky,
and wrangloster.

"The Psychology of Repetitive Reading," by A. K. Lee (North Korea)
Human beings can be induced to carry out many kinds of repetitive
actions. In this experiment, 200 subjects were asked to read an essay.
The essay consisted of a single paragraph repeated several times. Each
subject was told beforehand that the essay was highly repetitive. 92% of
the subjects read the essay completely from beginning to end.

"The Candle Phenomenon and Nocturnal Behavior in the Adult Male," by
Cara Gallucci
Chance observations indicated that lighting a bedside candle would favor
the development of sexual arousal in a particular adult male human. This
phenomenon led to the creation of a hypothesis based on classical
conditioning theory. Experiments were conducted to test the hypothesis.

"A Gel of Contentment," by James E. Ripka
A photograph documents a contented 8% SDS-polyacrylamide gel
electrophoresis of various proteins.

"Nothing Revisited," by Guy Godin
Previous research about nothing is examined and extended. Nothing is
explained in philosophy, in physics, in metaphysics, and in logic. The
Moebius Doughknot and its corollary, the Moebius Hole, are described.
Nothing is explained about them.

"Microbial Snowflakes," by George Luedemann
Photomicrographs document unusual dendritic growth occurring on the
underside of an inclined coverslip embedded in an agar grown colony of
an equally unusual soil microbe believed to be an actinomycete.

"Survey of Alternative Styles for the Methods Section," by Constance
Sancetta
The Methods section is perhaps the most important -- yet least eagerly
read -- part of a scientific report. It serves a vital function but, by
hallowed tradition, is written in a deathly manner. As a step toward
improving the scientific literature, the author has conducted a survey,
asking professionals from fields outside science to each write a brief
Methods section for a chemistry experiment that was described to them.

"Aging in Food: A Vegetative Model for Senescence," by Lloyd Z. Fricker
and Virginia Z. Yao
A three-part study study examines: (a) aging in various species of food
(milk, onions, and zuccini); (b) the variation in aging between
individual zuccini; and (c) the breeding and selection of a genetically
pure strain of zuccini which shows a dramatic predisposition to
Alzheimer-like symptoms at an early age.

"Law and the Chicken (second of three parts)," by Roger I. Abrams
The author conducts the first extensive examination of the concept and
role of the chicken in western jurisprudence.

"The Cells" (bad poetry), by Bruce Netschert
"See the tissues with their cells --
Tiny cells!
What a world of chemistry their functioning foretells!"
The author relentlessly, doggedly, ruthlessly pursues this line of
thought, describing the actions and reactions of the cells, cells,
cells, cells, cells, cells, cells, the actions and reactions of the
cells.

"The Psychology of Repetitive Reading," by A. K. Lee (North Korea)
Human beings can be induced to carry out many kinds of repetitive
actions. In this experiment, 200 subjects were asked to read an essay.
The essay consisted of a single paragraph repeated several times. Each
subject was told beforehand that the essay was highly repetitive. 92% of
the subjects read the essay completely from beginning to end.

"Gunfight at the High-Tech Corral," by Steve Nadis
A surviving participant of the famous event recalls what happened before
and after he pulled his trusty Powerbook out of its holster. "...a
glance at the real-time clock showed it was just a few cycles past
noon..."

"Endonuclease Structural Surprise" (enhanced computer-generated image),
by Alexander Kohn
A surprisingly chicken-like structure is visible in a model of the EcoRV
restriction endonuclease bound to a 10 bp DNA duplex with the EcoRV
recognition sequence.

"Fetus With Stogie," by Carol B. Benson, and Peter M. Doubilet
A sonogram apparently reveals a human fetus to be smoking a cigar.

"The Psychology of Repetitive Reading," by A. K. Lee (North Korea)
Human beings can be induced to carry out many kinds of repetitive
actions. In this experiment, 200 subjects were asked to read an essay.
The essay consisted of a single paragraph repeated several times. Each
subject was told beforehand that the essay was highly repetitive. 92% of
the subjects read the essay completely from beginning to end.

"Technology Update: The Seat of Knowledge," by Stephen Drew
"You can't read it on the toilet" -- this humble criticism has posed a
maddening barrier to those who want computer technology to replace
paper-based magazines. A Canadian firm is constructing a toilet with a
plug-detachable magazine-style screen device. The device could make it
feasible to put public rest stops on the information superhighway.

Interview with Nobel Physics Laureate Nicolaas Bloembergen, by Marc
Abrahams
In this followup to the interview that appeared in JIR 39:1, the 1981
Nobel Physics Laureate discusses his experiences with drunken brawls,
explains his technique for selecting a supermarket checkout line, and
gives advice about entering the field of physics.

"Elegant Results" (regular column) by Alice Shirell Kaswell.
Styles, trends, and tidbits, culled from leading research journals. In
this issue: findings from the research journal Cosmopolitan.

"Scientific Gossip" (regular column) by Stephen Drew.
Contains 100% gossip from concentrate. In this issue: Safety Survey; Hot
Thought; A Genius for Cultivation; Muscle Men Medicine Movie; Glue Not
Recommended for Children's Diet; Soccer Balm Ban; Animal Wrongs; Sub
(Optimal Dump); Nightlight Savings Time; Curious Cornering.


----------------------------------------------
1994-03-04 Clipper Chip Envelope, Initiative, and Economics

CLIPPER CHIP ENVELOPE
Soon the government-mandated Clipper Chip secret-code-decoder will be
installed in every piece of US electronic communications equipment.
Criminals might then try to send their coded messages via traditional
mail. Against that possibility, we are now applying Clipper Chip
protection to paper mail. Our Clipper Chip Envelope automatically reads
and decodes any paper enclosed in it. The Clipper Chip Envelope consists
of a standard paper envelope with an installed optical scanner and
microprocessor, optical character recognition software, a passive
transmitter, and a Clipper Chip. The whole mechanism is the size and
value of a fingernail clipping. Ee-way are-ay aking-may is-thay
echnology-tay available-ay oo-tay any-ay official-ay agency-ay ich-way
an-cay ecode-day is-they essage-may, free of charge.

CLIPPER CHIP INTERNATIONAL SCIENCE INITIATIVE
The Society for Basic Irreproducible Research (SBIR) strongly supports
the basic Clipper Chip requirement. Oxymoronically, it will cause US
encryption research to quickly lag behind that of other countries. We
see this as a boost to the international science community, which has
suffered so long from the domination of US researchers in too many
fields.

CLIPPER CHIP ECONOMICS
An historical note: It was we who performed the economic analysis for
the government's Clipper Chip decision. Decoding requires too much
mathematical effort and talent, a considerable expense even during the
current mathematicians glut. With declining math skills in the US, the
cost of encryption research can be expected to rise further. In the long
run, it will be much cheaper to bribe appropriate officials in the
countries that do continue to perform research.


-----------------------------------------------------------
1994-03-05 JIR Barnstorming Tour: partial schedule ---IMPORTANT!!!

In honor (?) of the new JIR book, "Sex As a Heap of Malfunctioning
Rubble," (see section 1994-03-10 below) we will be barnstorming North
America doing JIR readings/seminars/slide shows.

****************************************************************
* This is a partial list.
* For the most up-to-date schedule
* please send a polite e-mail message to: BOURBAKI -at- NEU -dot- EDU
****************************************************************

Sun., Mar. 20, 1:30 POWELL'S TECHNICAL BOOKS, Portland, OR
33 Northwest Park Ave.
Mon., Mar. 21, 7:00 UNIV. OF PORTLAND
Engineering Room 216,
5000 North Willamette Blvd.
** special guest: DR. PAUL WILLIAMS of the Oregon Health Division,
** winner of the 1993 Ig Nobel Biology Prize (for his American
** Journal of Public Health article, "Salmonella Excretion in
** Joy-Riding Pigs") will receive his Ig Nobel Prize.
Tues., Mar. 22, 5:00 MICROSOFT, Building 9,Redmond, WA
(not open to the public)
Wed., Mar. 23, 10:30 UNIV. of WASHINGTON, Seattle
Health Sciences Bldg., Room D-209
Thurs., Mar. 24, 5:30 UC BERKELEY
155 Dwinelle Hall
Fri., Apr. 1, 3:00 NORTHERN ILLINOIS UNIV., DeKalb
Sat., Apr. 2, 7:00 SCI-FI MINI-CON, Bloomington, MN
Radisson South Hotel
Wed., Apr. 6, noon BROOKHAVEN NAT'L LAB, Upton NY
Berkner Auditorium
Thurs., Apr. 7, 7 pm NEW YORK MENSA, NYC
Soldiers', Sailors' & Airmen's Club
37th and Lexington
** special guest host: MARILYN VOS SAVANT
Fri., Apr. 8, 6:00 CORNELL UNIV. MEDICAL CENTER, NYC
1300 York Ave. at 69th St.
Sun., Apr. 10, 2:00 FRANKLIN INSTITUTE, Philadelphia
20th and The Parkway
Mon., Apr. 11, noon ENVIRONMENTAL PROTECTION AGENCY, Washington, DC
EPA Auditorium
Tues., Apr. 12, noon CONGRESSIONAL OFFICE OF TECHNOLOGY ASSESSMENT
Washington, DC
Wed., Apr. 13, noon LIBRARY OF CONGRESS, Washington, DC
Wed., Apr. 13, 6:00 MARY WASHINGTON COLLEGE, Fredricksburg, VA
Thurs., Apr. 14, 12:30 NATIONAL INSTITUTES OF HEALTH, Bethesda, MD
Masur Auditorium
Fri., Apr. 15, 7:00 MEMPHIS STATE UNIV.
Psychology Auditorium
Sat., Apr. 16 TECHNICON SCI-FI CONVENTION,
VIRGINIA TECH, Blacksburg, Virginia
Thurs., Apr. 21 OHIO STATE UNIV., Columbus

::::: INVITE US TO YOUR PLACE!!
If you would like to be a host/instigator for an Irreproducible Science
Event for 50 or more people at your city, university, hospital, research
center, high school, book store, etc., ASAP please contact:
Lisa Bernstein, Workman Publishing, 708 Broadway, NY, NY 10013
(212) 614-7505 FAX:(212) 254-8098
itlhappen -at- aol -dot- com

::::: CALLING ALL JIR AUTHORS!!
If you are a JIR author and/or if you want to read, shout, or otherwise
present your irreproducible research results at one of these events,
please contact Marc Abrahams (jir -at- mit -dot- edu) as soon as possible.


-----------------------------------------------------------
1994-03-06 JIR Recommends

Research reports that merit a trip to the library:

"Metal Detectors: An Alternative Approach to the Evaluation of Coin
Ingestions in Children?" by S. P. Ros and F. Cetta, "Pediatric Emergency
Care," vol. 8, no. 3, June, 1992, pp. 134-136. (Thanks to Janet Pensig
for bringing this to our attention.)

"No-Scalpel Vasectomy at the King's Birthday Vasectomy Festival," by
Apichart Nirapathpongporn, Douglas H. Huber and John N. Krieger, "The
Lancet," no. 335, 1990, pp. 894-895. The festival took place,
appropriately, in Bangkok. (Thanks to Frank Walker for bringing this to
our attention.)



-----------------------------------------------------------
1994-03-07 Calendar of Upcoming Events

::::: "Crazy After Calculus"
An ongoing exhibition of extraordinary humor at MIT from prehistoric
times through the present day.
The MIT Museum
265 Massachusetts Avenue, Cambridge, MA 02139 USA
(617) 253-4422 (ktl -at- mitvma -dot- mit -dot- edu)

::::: 1994 Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony
Thursday evening, October 6, 1994 at MIT in Cambridge, Massachusetts.
You are cordially invited to attend. You are also invited to submit
nominations for this year's Ig Nobel Prizewinners.


------------------------------------------
1994-03-08 Calls for Papers

CALL FOR NOMINATIONS for the 1994 Ig Nobel Prizes. Ig Nobel Prizes are
awarded for achievements that cannot or should not be reproduced.

CALL FOR PAPERS on the topic: "The Sex Life of the Polyp." Please
submit research results only, not speculative essays, please.

CALL FOR ESSAYS for JIR's "Worst Science Teacher Competition."
Essays must be 300 words or less, explaining how and why, despite the
competition, your nominee is the world's worst science teacher. Please
enclose any photographs, diagrams, or other evidence that might bolster
your case. All entries become the property of JIR. The winning essayist
and the worst teacher will both be invited to attend the 1994 Ig Nobel
Prize Ceremony at their own expense. [A stilted note for incurably
serious readers: the underlying purpose of this competition is to
publicize the importance of GOOD science teachers!]


----------------------------------------
1994-03-09 How to Submit Articles (*)

Since 1955, The Journal of Irreproducible Results has been the
publication of record for overly stimulating research and ideas. JIR
publishes original articles, news of particularly egregious scientific
results, and short notices of satiric and humorous intent. The editors
look forward to receiving your manuscripts, photographs, X-rays,
drawings, etc. Please do not send biological samples.

Articles are typically 500-2000 words in length. The entire manuscript
should be typed double-spaced on standard white bond paper, with
generous margins all around, and submitted with a photocopy.
Alternatively, you may submit via e-mail, in ASCII format.

Because of the volume of submissions, we are unable to acknowledge
receipt of manuscripts unless they are accompanied by a SELF-ADDRESSED,
ADEQUATELY STAMPED ENVELOPE.

Before you submit an article to The Journal of Irreproducible Results,
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE skim through a recent issue to see the typical
length and format of JIR articles. At the same time, please read the
"Information for Contributors" notice in any issue of JIR. Articles may
be submitted to:
Marc Abrahams, editor
The Journal of Irreproducible Results
c/o Wisdom Simulators
P.O. Box 380853
Cambridge, MA 02238 USA
Telephone number for editorial matters: (617) 491-4437

A list of arbitrary suggestions for authors can be obtained by sending a
SELF-ADDRESSED, ADEQUATELY STAMPED ENVELOPE to the same address.

E-mail address for editorial questions: jir -at- mit -dot- edu


---------------------------
1994-03-10 How to Subscribe / How to Get Back Issues (*)

mini-JIR
The mini-Journal of Irreproducible Results is an electronic publication,
available over the Internet, free of charge. It is distributed as a
LISTSERV application. We expect to publish 6-12 issues per year.
To subscribe, send a brief E-mail message to either of these addresses:
LISTSERV -at- MITVMA -dot- MIT -dot- EDU or LISTSERV -at- MITVMA
The body of your message should contain ONLY the words "SUBSCRIBE MINI-
JIR" followed by your name.
Here are two examples:
SUBSCRIBE MINI-JIR Irene Curie Joliot
SUBSCRIBE MINI-JIR Nicholai Lobachevsky
To stop subscribing,
send the following message to the same address:
SIGNOFF MINI-JIR
To obtain a list of back issues,
send this message:
INDEX MINI-JIR
To retrieve a particular back issue,
send a message specifying which issue you want.
For example, to retrieve issue 93-00002, send this message:
GET MINI-JIR 93-00002
If you have questions about how to subscribe, or if you would like to
re-distribute mini-JIR, please send e-mail to: mgeller -at- mit -dot- edu
[PLEASE NOTE: if you are regularly posting mini-JIR on your gopher, WWW,
news group or mailing list, please drop an e-mail note to
mgeller -at- mit -dot- edu so that we can compile a complete resource list --
thanks!]

The Journal of Irreproducible Results (JIR)
JIR is a print publication published six times per year.
JIR is written by scientists from around the world, and read by
subscribers in 41 countries. To subscribe, send payment to:
By phone: (800) 759-6102 or (617) 876-7000
By FAX: (617) 876-7022 (include credit card info)
By mail: The Journal of Irreproducible Results
c/o Wisdom Simulators, P.O. Box 380853
Cambridge, MA 02238 USA

Rates for a year's subscription:
U.S. individuals $21 libraries $40
Canada, Mexico individuals $27.50 libraries $46
Elsewhere individuals $43 libraries $62
For multiple gift rates, please call

New Book
A new book of outstanding JIR research has just been published:
A) "Sex As a Heap of Malfunctioning Rubble (and further
improbabilities): More of the Best of The Journal of Irreproducible
Results," Marc Abrahams, editor
Workman Publishing, New York, 1993. ISBN 1-56305-312-8

Previous Books:
B) "The Best of the Journal of Irreproducible Results,"
George H. Scherr, editor
Workman Publishing, New York, 1983. ISBN 0-89480-595-9
C) "Journal der Unwiederholbaren Experimente,"
George H. Scherr, editor
Kruger Verlag, Frankfurt, 1986
D) "Journal der Unwiederholbaren Experimente II,"
George H. Scherr, editor
Kruger Verlag, Frankfurt, 1989 ISBN 3-8105-1714-3

Items (A) and (B) are available in most libraries and bookstores,
and from the MIT Museum (617) 253-4462.


---------------------------
1994-03-11 Yes, please DO make copies! (*)

Please DO send copies of mini-JIR to anyone who might be interested.

The only limitations are:
A) You must copy the whole document, without making any changes to it.
B) You do NOT have permission to copy this document for commercial
purposes.

The contents of this document are copyright (c) 1994, Marc Abrahams.

--------------------------------------------------------------------
The mini-Journal of Irreproducible Results ("mini-JIR")
Editor: Marc Abrahams (jir -at- mit -dot- edu)
Technical Brains: Marilyn Geller (mgeller -at- mit -dot- edu)
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