Contract Writer Code of Ethics

Subject: Contract Writer Code of Ethics
From: michaelc_johnson -at- EMAIL -dot- STATE -dot- UT -dot- US
Date: Tue, 14 Feb 1995 22:59:00 -0700

I am trying to enhance a "Code of Ethics for Contract Engineers
(Jobshoppers)" which appeared on my desk mysteriously during an
earthquake in El Segundo, CA (where the sewer meets the sea) in the
summer of 1984. I was working as a contractor at the time on the 9th
floor of the Rockwell tower. I am pretty sure the list was meant as a
joke, but you never know. I'll make a complete list
available to all interested parties after the current round of
contributions is complete. Please put on your thinking caps.

Here are a couple of sample entries:

HONESTY -- Always tell the truth even if you gotta lie to do it. If
they don't believe you, give them your word as a shopper.

APPEARANCE -- Be neat at all times. Try not to wear the same shirt more
than a week. Try to match sock color and be sure your right sneaker is
the same color as your left. A haircut twice a year and a shave once a
year are a must.

ATTITUDE -- Always treat the client with a smile and a sunny
disposition. When you work, look worried and go like hell. Use your
calculator a lot.

BE A PATSY -- Always take the blame for missed due dates and other
mistakes. Remember we are professional scapegoats, and are paid to
cover for the captives.

PUNCTUALITY -- Tardiness will get you out on your butt every time. If
for some unavoidable reason you must be late, be sure to make up for it
by leaving early.

DRINKING -- Never get caught. The holding tank on the commode makes an
excellent place to hide and chill your wine bottle.

BE RESPECTFUL -- If the client offers you a permanent position, decline
gently by telling them you don't want to live like a ragpicker the rest
of your life. If they make an offer, explain that you couldn't afford
to back your car out of the driveway for that much.

TERMINATION -- Always give reasonable notice. A heartbeat is usually

Please send contributions to:

michaelc_johnson -at- email -dot- state -dot- ut -dot- us

Please direct all pyrotechnics to the same address.


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