Humor: Newspaper headlines

Subject: Humor: Newspaper headlines
From: Kristine Olberg <kjolberg -at- IX -dot- NETCOM -dot- COM>
Date: Thu, 16 May 1996 07:56:01 -0700

> > Actual Newspaper Headlines:
> >
> > Include your Children when Baking Cookies
> > Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
> > Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
> > Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
> > Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
> > Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
> > Farmer Bill Dies in House
> > Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
> > Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
> > Stud Tires Out
> > Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
> > Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
> > Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again
> > British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
> > Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
> > Eye Drops off Shelf
> > Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
> > Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
> > Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
> > Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
> > Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
> > Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
> > Miners Refuse to Work after Death
> > Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
> > Stolen Painting Found by Tree
> > Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
> > Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
> > Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
> > Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
> > Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in `84
> > War Dims Hope for Peace
> > If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
> > Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
> > Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
> > Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
> > Deer Kill 17,000
> > Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
> > Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
> > New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
> > Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
> > Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
> > Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
> > Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
> > British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
> > Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
> > Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
> > Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
> > New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
> > Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
> > Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
> > Air Head Fired
> > Steals Clock, Faces Time
> > Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff
> > Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
> > Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
> > Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
> > Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction

:-)

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