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Subject:HUMOR: The Interview From:Andrew Plato <intrepid_es -at- YAHOO -dot- COM> Date:Thu, 4 Feb 1999 11:21:09 -0800
MR. BIG: Hi, welcome to Zits Industries little person. You were two
hours late for your interview. You are also stupid and unqualified to
be one of us, but I will interview you for my own pleasure. Please
excuse me while I get messages off my voice mail.
KNUCKLEHEAD: Thank you Mr. Big. May I say, that I find your company
great. I have no idea what you do, sell, or make. But I am very fond
of your parking lot. Nevertheless, I think I have what it takes to be
a Zit.
MR. BIG: Unlikely, you used Xerox 27 grain, 92 unit, Lot #329283XRKSL
paper for your resume. This clearly demonstrates what a insignificant
loser you are. True professionals always use 40 grain paper.
KNUCKLEHEAD: Yes, but I brought copies of all the design documents
for the new Pentium III as well as some of the defense plans for our
troops in Iraq. I think this demonstrates my commitment to quality
and meeting the client's needs.
MR BIG: Hardly. In fact I think I will now use your resume to make
foul noises while I eat my lunch. Please continue jabbering about
your career plans, you peon.
KNUCKLEHEAD: Well, I was thinking that I was qualified for your
position as Senior Executive Important Guy Who Gets to Play with All
the Money. I took a class that certified me as a mouse pusher. I
also wore this dirty shirt and ripped jeans to show you what a team
player I am. In my last job, I watched the engineers debate which
stock option plan to take while I worked non-stop, alone designing,
implementing, and supporting a world-wide distributed financial
analysis application for all of the world's largest banks. I did this
with no pay and even after I lost a limb in a freak Starbucks
accident.
MR BIG: Ha ha ha. Would you like to see my huge stock options?
KNUCKLEHEAD: I also expect to make $100,000,000 a year.
MR BIG: Well, thanks for coming, er, whatever your name is. We here
at Zits Industries are too important to waste time with a little
person like you. Go back to school kid and quit wasting my time. Oh,
and on your way out please take this used wad of gum with you and
throw it out for me. You know, you would interview better if you were
taller and had bigger ... Oh, got to go.
Tee hee
Andrew Plato
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