HUMOUR: Klingon Technical Writers

Subject: HUMOUR: Klingon Technical Writers
From: "John David Hickey" <dave -at- toonboom -dot- com>
To: "Techwr-L" <techwr-l -at- lists -dot- raycomm -dot- com>
Date: Fri, 19 Nov 1999 16:15:11 -0500


Just something fun for Friday. I hope you like it!
Klingon Technical Writers
The top 15 things likely to be overheard if you had Klingon technical
writers working for you:

15) Certification?! Having your hot blood dripping from my glistening blade
is all the certification I need!

14) I will return to the homeworld and my documentation will arise
triumphant in the STC Documentation Gauntlet, leaving all others drowning in
their own dangling modifiers. It will be glorious!!

13) By not returning my review copies by the agreed deadline is a
declaration of war. Indeed, it is a good day to die.

12) These specifications are for the weak and timid!!

11) This version of Word is a piece of GAGH! I need the latest version of
Framemaker if I am to do battle with this manual.

10) You cannot really appreciate Dilbert unless you've read it in the
original Klingon.

9) Indentation?! I will show you how to indent when I indent your skull!

8) What is this talk of "drafts"? Klingons do not make document "drafts".
Our documents escape, leaving a bloody trail of SMEs in its wake!

7) Use of passive voice is for the weak. They will not survive.

6) Proofreading? Klingons do not proofread. Our documents are purified with
pain-sticks which cleanses them of impurities and weakness.

5) I have challenged the entire Marketing team to a Bat-Leh contest! They
will not concern us again.

4) A TRUE Klingon warrior riddles his document with bullets, leaving it to
beg for mercy.

3) By changing the layout of my manual, you have challenged the honor of my
family. Prepare to die!

2) You question the worthiness of my grammar? I should kill you where you

1) Our users will know fear and cower before our suite of manuals and online
help! Ship it! Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are!

Original posting entitled "Klingon Software Quality Assurance" Posted on Thu
28 Oct 06:40:21 1999 PDTWritten by Martib Hepworth <maxsec -at- usa -dot- net>
Modified to suit the world of Technical Writers by John David Hickey
<jdhickey -at- hotmail -dot- com>

Be seeing you,

John David Hickey
Grand Poohbah of Documentation

ToonBoom Technologies
Montreal, Quebec, Canada eh?
Tel: 514-278-TOON (8666) ext. 245
Fax: 514-278-BOOM (2666)
Pag: 514-205-9209

They say the pen is mightier than the sword.
But if you miss a deadline, you'd better bring the sword.

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