Re: Jealousy in the work place

Subject: Re: Jealousy in the work place
From: Suzette Leeming <suzette -dot- leeming -at- gmail -dot- com>
To: Ned Bedinger <doc -at- edwordsmith -dot- com>
Date: Wed, 10 Mar 2010 06:55:35 -0500

I have to agree that management needs to be made aware of what's going on.
In a past job, years ago, I encountered a similar situation. My motto was
always "kill 'em with kindness" but in that situation it wasn't working.
Every chance this woman got, she would undermine me, gossip behind my back
and spread rumours, delete important files (that were always backed up),
etc. I had to make sure that all conversations were done or confirmed in
writing, just as a CYA.

After several months of this behaviour, I finally took a stand and
confronted her. She reported me to the manager, and I was reprimanded for
causing a "problem" in the department. If I had alerted my manager to what
was going on earlier, it would have all gone down differently. It seems she
was just waiting for me to confront her so that she could lay her complaint.

I ended up leaving the company soon after (my choice) and after several
years they hired me back (for more $$). The structure is different now, and
I have nothing to do with this woman, and I am proud to say that in almost
four years, I have never spoken to her, or vice versa.

Suzette Leeming,



On Tue, Mar 9, 2010 at 5:36 PM, Ned Bedinger <doc -at- edwordsmith -dot- com> wrote:

> John Posada wrote:
> >
> >
> > And how long do you think you can keep up with staying a step ahead
> > before you miss something or don't anticipate something? Sounds like
> > you are devoting a considerable percentage of your energy doing this
> > CYA stuff that you could be devotiong to your actual work.
> >
>
> I agree, the problem is a business matter when it increases costs or
> decreases productivity. In one perfect world, that would be the only
> criteria to judge who or what is right or wrong.
>
> > They're bullies and until/unless you publicly call them on their
> > stunts, they'll only get more and more brazen as they see they can get
> > away with that crap
>
> I picture a confrontation. Since the bully has gotten affirmation in the
> past and will want to play their hand again, the confrontation could be
> protracted, could get ugly in the Darwinian sense (survival at stake).
>
> > and become more and more frustrated as they see
> > what they're trying to do isnt working.
> >
>
> Nicely satisfying, but I would involve my manager, too. I'd have to be
> prepared if my manager didn't really want to risk antagonizing the bully.
>
> I tend to prepare in advance by being proactive when looking for work. I
> look for managers who have come up through the ranks of technical
> writing, and who understand the work, the tools, and where real issues
> lie. They're less likely to be confused by smokescreening.
>
> Better yet, they're more likely to know why each team member is a match
> for the work and how to work toward business goals with their team.
>
> To me, team is the operative word. Loosely defined, a team is a thing
> where the only NECESSARY common denominator is ability to do the work.
>
> The flip side is that team members have to be willing and able to work
> in such a diverse setting, which can amount to being v-e-r-y flexible
> about individual likes and dislikes.
>
> The desired outcome of such a manager-mediated confrontation would be a
> sharp decline in the stress that was causing me too much CYA activity.
> It would be pushed back to where 'the work' became the point again.
>
> My $.02, of course YMMV.
>
> Regards,
>
> Ned Bedinger
> doc -at- edwordsmith -dot- com
>
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Follow-Ups:

References:
Re: Jealousy in the work place: From: Susan Tamaoki
Re: Jealousy in the work place: From: John Posada
Re: Jealousy in the work place: From: Ned Bedinger

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