<humor> How to write good

Subject: <humor> How to write good
From: The Tech Writer <techwrtr -at- CRL -dot- COM>
Date: Fri, 23 Feb 1996 10:04:18 -0800

I haven't seen this on the list before, so here you go.

-David Castro
techwrtr -at- crl -dot- com

Here are some hints from "How to Write Good":

1. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
2. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
3. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
4. Contractions aren't desirable.
5. Foreign words and phrases aren't apropos.
6. One should never generalize.
7. Eliminate quotations. As Emerson once said: "I hate quotations. =20
Tell me what you know."
8. Don't be redundant.; don't use more words than necessary; its highly=20
9. Tastelessness sucks.
10. Be more or less specific.
11. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
12. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
13. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
14. The passive voice is to be avoided.
15. Go round the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
16. All universal statements are a mistake.
17. Clich=E9s are old hat.
18. Avoid run-on sentences they are hard to read.
19. No sentence fragments.
20. It behooves us to avoid archaisms.
21. Also, avoid awkward, affected alliterations.
22. Don't use no double negatives.
23. Its the most important thing in the world to resist hyperbole.
24. Avoid commas, that are not necessary.
25. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
26. Writing carefully, dangling participles will not be used.
27. Kill all exclamation points!
28. Proofread carefully to see whether you any words out.
29. Take the bull by the hand and don't mix metaphors.
30. Don't verb nouns.
31. Never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
32. Last but not least - and if I've said it once, I've said it a thousand=
times - avoid clich=E9s like the plague.

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